I need to loose 52 pounds. I have to loose 52 pounds. I want to loose 52 pounds. So now the tough part...how to do it? Ok so knowing how to do it, and doing it are two different things.
I am so angry with myself. I had gastric bypass and thought I had the world by the tail. I had found the serect tool to waight loss and would never have to struggle with weight again. How naive of me to think that. I did not deal with the reasons why I eat. I am starting to do that now. I have joined BANA. Bulima Anorexia Nervose Association. Yes, I know I am neither of those things..but they deal with all eating disorders and I have been diagnised with Binge Eating Disorder. I am going to get to the bottom of this so that not only can I get to my health weight...but, I can get to my healthy self. I need to do this for myself and for my children. I do not want them to have to deal with these food issues. I want healthy children- mentally as well as physically.
Another thing...I will not have another baby until I loose 52 pounds... and I want another so badly. So this is for that new baby too.
I will be posting here more frequently now.. I see the BANA councellor tomorrow so I will post any ah-ha moments I have.
Something needs to be done and I have to be the one to do it. I have hit rock bottom and I will be the one to lift myself up out of the darkness.

They went in backwards... so Birth is at the bottom...1.5 months and then today at the top...
He is so funny.
I will post more later... All is well.

So I know I have been very neglectful..but since July our computer has been down and hubby just sat down to fix it last night.
As you have guessed...our son has been born.
We chose to name him Benjamin Saul.
He was born 2 weeks 5 days early on August 27th at 2:45AM He was tiny...weighing 6 pounds 7 ounces and was 18 inches long. He is perfect and wonderful.
Jacob has tunred two and has adjusted well to being a big brother. He calls the Ben...My Baby and wants to hug, hold and kiss him all the time.
It has been an adjustment but has gone quite well. Ben started sleeping 6 hours at night at 4 weeks and by 8 weeks we was sleeping 8 hours. How could I complain about that?
Since our computer was down I have not had a chance to download any pictures of him...once I do you will see him. He is beautiful. He is very different from Jake. Hard to imagine they are brothers. LOL.
I am struggling with my weight. I have been making very poor food choices. I need to fix myself or I am at risk of gaining my weight back. I am scared.
I promise to be better at posting now that I can.

I know I should have pics to go along with this post but it is 11:30 at night and I am too tired to go get them to scan them in! LOL.
But it went well, he is still a boy (thankfully), he is right on track and he weighs about 3 pounds 9 ounces.The tech had a hard time getting some of the measurements because he was moving around so much. Also he was not yet "breathing" on his own...but she said they just start doing it at 30 weeks and not to worry. They will see it next time at our 34 week ultrasound. Dr Mundle was happy and told me to keep doing what I do best! LOL. Also I lost a pound...so that puts me up 28 pounds! 3 more than with Jake. It's so hard to see the scale going up since I have worked so hard to get my excess weight off but I know come September I will kick my butt to get back to where I was and then hopefully smaller even. I would love to get to my goal. I will not allow myself to get pregnant again until I am at my goal..
The weather has been great and hot..I am loving it. Jake and I have been using his pool a bit but mostly we go to my parent's house and swim there. I am so happy Jake likes the water as much as he does.
Jake turned 20 months old on the 9th and got his first haircut. My mom did it as it is a tradition in our family that she do all the first haircuts on the kids. (She used to be a hairdresser) He moved around a lot so she had a hard time. But nonetheless it looks cute and he looks more like a little boy now. Which makes me sad. He has been talking so much lately and loves to hear new words, he gets so proud of himself when says new things. Today he wanted a pool noodle at my mom's so he said "noonle?" I said, "please???" so then he said, "pease noonle!" it was so adorable. I just love the way he pronounces things. He is such a treasure.
We have narrowed down the name search to three: Gavin, Ryan or Matthew. So now we just have to continue saying them and see which one fits in the end. I can not believe how hard it is this time to name the baby. With Jacob we just knew. For awhile I was thinking that maybe the tech was wrong last time and really we were having a girl and that was why none of the boy names were sounding right. But that is not the case.
Anyway, gotta run to bed. We have a birthday party to go to tomorrow and I need some sleep.

Once again all is well. Thank-fully. That's for sure. Heart rate is 150 and steady. Can't ask for more than that. I gained about 3 pounds since last month..not too bad either. I go in 2 weeks for our next ultrasound. I am very excited about that.
Jacob is great. Growing taller everyday and talking more and more. He cracks us up.
My parents have been in Las Vegas for about 9 days now and I have missed them terribly. They come home tomorrow morning and I can not wait to hug them. It sounds like they have had a great time.
My beautiful niece turns 4 years old on Monday. We are celebrating her birthday on Sunday. I can not believe she is already 4 and will be starting school in September. It seems like only yesterday she was born. It is so true how fast the time goes. She is such a great little girl I can not imagine my world without her in it. She adds so much joy to my life. Her and Jacob get along so well and it is so much fun to see them together. They are so funny.

Went well with no complications. I was concerned because I had not been feeling a lot of movemnet from the baby but Dr Mundle explained to me that my placenta was on the front of my uterus this time and that it was absorbing some of the "shock" from the kicks of the baby. So not to worry. Lately though I have been feeling stronger movements and that makes me feel better. I love that feeling. Iwill see the doctor in 3 weeks and then every two weeks after that. I have my next ultrasound at week 30 and then the next one at 34 weeks. We will also be going for our 3D ultrasound around week 33 I am very excited about that ultrasound.
I have started playing the baby music before bed time and either he really likes it or is irratated by it because he moves around a lot when he hears it. I did the same for Jacob and I think it really helped in his development. The statics say that babies who are played music in utero are stronger, sit up sooner, walk faster etc. I know with Jake that seems true because he did all of that at an early age. I was thinking one night that maybe I do not want this baby to start those things as early..lol. But, how can I offer one of my children an advantage and not the other?
Still no decision in the name department. This week I like Michael Lawerence...we'll see by next.
Tomorrow being Father's Day we are going to my parents for a barbeque and a swim...hopefully the weather hold up. We bought my dad a digital picture frame for his desk at work and I loaded all the pictures on it yesterday. I want one, it is so awesome.
I have been feeling kind of funky lately. I miss Adam a lot because he works nights. I feel a bit isolated and alone. He has been on nights for almost a year now and I feel like a single parent most of the time. He comes home early in the morning and goes to bed ussually before we are awake...then he gets up for lunch with us most days then Jake and I go for our naps, by the time we wake up its nearly dinner time and then he leaves by 6pm. I feel bad for Adam too because he only sees Jake for about 2 hours a day. I know he has to work and I do not begrudge him at all. I know it is not his choosing to be "gone" so much. It's just hard because I am really a stay at home mom which I know is what I wanted and I do love that I can be here for our son..he brings so much joy to my life...I just never expected it to be so tiring! I can not imagine though how much more tiring it would be if I had to get up with him in the morning...and get us both ready, drop him off at day care and then go to work all day, pick him up at day care then come home make dinner, play with him. do bath, and bed time too. I would rather be as tired as I am then know what that tired is! I give working moms so much credit. I think they are so strong. So I know there are pluses and minuses to both situations but these hormones sometimes make it hard to see. I am so grateful that Adam has this job so that I can stay home that is the main thing, sometimes I just loose site of that. Hopefully the next time the runs come up for bids he can get on a day shift.
Anyway, nothing else has been really going on. Just hanging out with my boy and playing in the new pool my dad bought him. He loves the water so much and the weather has been so hot lately.

Everytime I say the name "Andrew" in reference to our yet to be born baby it just does not feel right! I can not get around it. So as of now our new baby is nameless. Adam says then we have to wait til he is born to choose a name for him. I am ok with that. I think that will be exciting, to wait and see what he looks like then give the kid a name! So for now he is known as "Baby Noble # 2."
Kind of reminds of the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's where the cat had no name. Just cat. And then Holly said "Well, then I'll some furniture and give the cat a name!" "Poor Cat, poor slob without a name!" So that's our son....Poor Kid, poor slob without a name. Just like cat. Hey maybe there is name from that movie we could use. I'll have to take another gander at the movie and see if anything sticks out.
Right now, I like the name Alexander...but, Adam does not like Alex...I said that was ok because maybe we could call him Zander. He didn't seem to mind that too much and I like the way Jake and Zander sound together. But would you spell it with the X? Xander? Or change it up with the Z? So hard to decide. We'll see. I'll keep you posted if anything changes or we have a name epiphany.
My cousin got married on Saturday. It was a nice day. I was so happy for them that the weather was so nice. The girls dresses were a really pretty cherry red colour and so beautiful. I loved her colour scheme. Now they are honeymooning in St. Lucia, sucks to be them. LOL.
Well all is well on the pregnancy front...Nothing new to report, other than the name thing.
Jake has (at least the last 3 days) decided he does not need an afternoon nap. Must to my chagrin, I have to say! I am going to keep trying because I still need my nap! LOL. But, it's been a 90 minute struggle with no nap resulting in the end. And when I put him to bed earlier he resists that too. And is not sleeping in later either. In fact this morning he awoke rather early! Little stinker. Oh well maybe it's just a phase. I hope it passes with naps.